The Payoff

Soooooo..... the payoff. Before we talk about 'the payoff', I'll have to do a quick summary of the past two-ish years. (Spoiler alert and summary for those who don't like reading - happy, tortured, excited, devastated, hopeful, happy, etc).

2014: Kids, work, life, laundry. Groceries....more groceries, then laundry again. Laughter, anxiety, love, life-out-of-control. 

2015: New beginning, dream job, David (oh, David). New city, empty-ish nest (bigger ouch than I understood at the time). Heart break. Shell shocked. Zombie Suze.

2016: Workaholic. *Sob* Blur.  "Barb, I need your couch AND POTATO CHIPS! Carbohydrates will make it all better, I KNOW IT."  Magnifying glass on my soul, owning my shit. *more sobbing* Owning it for real.

2017: Realization that carbohydrates aren't the answer (but oh, so fucking tasty). Substitute treadmill for carbohydrates and crying. *Tiny Sob* Healthier both emotionally and physically, and oh, is that a light at the end of the tunnel??

The payoff is that I've worked my ASS off (literally and figuratively) to be happy and healthy and guess what y'all? I am happy *Smiley face instead of sob*. I saw a photo of myself from the weekend and thought to myself "Holy cats - I look genuinely happy."

I've learned so much and I'm a better person for it. I feel whole and content. I've figured out what I want and I'm learning how to get it. I've created space in my life for the beautiful people who I love. I have amazing friends who have endured and loved me through my gross sob-ish-ness, happy children, the best family ever, a good job and a stable life. 

I am so incredibly grateful for it all, even the awful stuff because it's what has brought me to this point. 

This is the payoff.