Playing It Safe

Ok. This is the second blog in a row that opens with an internet meme/quote. I'll try not to make it a habit. If I do, please feel free to gather my loved ones and stage an intervention. Please. PLEASE.

In all seriousness, internet memes saved my life over the past two years. Well, perhaps not *literally* saved my life but pretty damn close. I stored them on my laptop, tucked them away at work, in my phone, between pages in books and pretty much anywhere I could have them at my fingertips. They were my go-to whenever I needed to feel grounded or less crazy or laugh or just not hurt for 10 fucking minutes, thank-you-very-much. 

The one at the top of this page is my all time favourite quote. I've had it on my office wall at various jobs for over a decade now, but in truth it applies far more to my personal life than my career. Yes. A ship in port IS safe but that is absolutely not what ships are built for. It would actually be a tragedy to see a majestic, beautiful ship sit stagnant in port rather than be sailed and tested to it's limits.

I'm a bit of a fraidy-cat. I tend to play it safe in life (I can hear Barb in my head right now saying "How's that workin' for ya?") In college, Barb was the first person who really taught me to take risks in life and we had so much fun learning together. Lucky for us, the consequences weren't terribly big at that time. Life saved them for much later, when we were stronger, I suppose. 

I should probably feel grateful but I'm not quite there yet. I do feel snippets of gratitude for those lessons but they still sting. Less than before but they do. I think that as it ebbs, it will create more room for gratitude. Or perhaps the gratitude chases away the sting and I have it totally backwards? I just might be onto something there - I bet there's an internet meme somewhere that will bring me complete and utter clarity on the topic.....

Although it terrifies me, I'm learning that there is strength in vulnerability. It's really the ultimate form of strength, no? When you are strong enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable, that's the sweet spot. When you trust yourself, you know you're going to be just fine no matter what life throws your way.

I vowed that 2017 was going to be better and it has been. I'm stronger, I'm healthier, I'm happier, I'm living. The ship is pulling out of port - batten down the hatches, bitches!