Purring in Salmon Arm

Ok, ok. I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about my time in Salmon Arm.... but I'm going to blog about it anyway. Y'all know how much I love it here with Mybarb. Just for future reference, THIS Barb is now called Mybarb. I have to differentiate because I have another wonderful friend named Barb who is now referred to as 'Copbarb', just to avoid confusion. I would love to blog about Copbarb but she would be mortified. So I won't. For now. (Mwah ha ha ha ha....).

So. This weekend is Mybarb's birthday. Barb loves her birthday. You know how some people are modest and prefer their birthday to go unnoticed? That is definitely not Barb. Right now, her status on Facebook says:

"Barb wants to remind everyone you only have 3 more shopping days til my BIRTHDAY!!!"

How could I not come help her celebrate? I'm mean really... I'm here for her, not for my own selfish reasons. Honestly.

In case you aren't completely aware of the reasons I love being in Salmon Arm with Barb, let me just tell you what the past 16 hours have been like for me.

• When I arrived, Barb had a baguette with roasted garlic and warmed brie waiting for me.
• I'm still in bed. It's 11:05 a.m.
• There is a coffee with Bailey's in it on my bedside table.
• I have laughed more in the past 16 hours than I have in the past 2 weeks

Barb and I don't buy Birthday/Christmas gifts for one another... we choose to give small, meaningful gifts throughout the year instead. But this year, I found something that just happened to be perfect and coincided with her birthday. It's the picture that you see at the top of this blog and the quote inside the frame says:

"Friendship is not a big thing.... it's a million little things."

And that's us. There have been a million little things over the past 20 years (God, has it really been that long??!!!) that have cemented this friendship and I'm grateful everyday of my life for it. The picture in the frame was taken at the end of an evening where we attended a girl party with the theme "Embrace Your Inner Whore". Yes, I'm wearing a wig. And, yes. We are both wearing false eyelashes. And really yes. We are rather drunk.

Happy, Happy Birthday Barb. I have no doubt that everyone will make you feel special on your big day, not because you're 'all that and a bag of chips'.... but because you demand it and they fear you. Love you!

Ouch. Missing my Mamma.

January 1, 2009.

This year I had a quiet New Years Eve at home and really enjoyed the solitude. But, today is a tough one.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my Mom's death and the first anniversary of my Sweet Caroline's death. Somehow I knew that Caroline was going to pass away the same day as Mom. Just knew it in my bones.

I've been wanting to write a blog about my Mom and today seems like a good day for it. The picture above is from when I was 15. We're sitting on the front step at 'home' and I can still remember how it felt to have my arms around her. Sorry for the crappy quality... I took a photo of this picture with my cell phone so the quality is lousy, but the love is still palpable.

My Mom was amazing.

I know, I know. Everyone's Mom is amazing.... but my Mom was such a Mom. She absolutely loved being a Mom and was so good at it. She read to us and found such creative ways to make all four of her children feel like they were the center of the universe. She was gentle and sweet.... you know the Mamma Kangaroo in Winnie-the-Poo (Kanga)? She reminded me of my Mom. The picture above is of my Mom with my brother Darryl. Do you see how much she loves her baby?!! Everytime my Dad took a picture, the flash made Darryl's eyes cross and Mom just loved it. (Isn't she pretty?!) I actually submitted this picture to The Globe and Mail for a Mother's Day edition and they posted it.

My Mom taught me so much, but the greatest gift she gave me was teaching ME how to be a Mom. Nothing is more important to me than being a good Mom to my brats and nurturing them has come naturally because of her legacy.

As I mentioned before in my "Aunt Gay" post, my Mom came from a big, wonderful French family. She was the baby of eleven kids and they teased that she arrived "once the bread was buttered", after the depression.

My Mom loved to laugh and did so often. She loved food and wine and every single one of my boyfriends fell in love with her. While growing up, our house was a place where everyone was welcome and my friends loved to be there.

My Mom was diagnosed with MS before I was even born. I don't remember her being healthy, really. I always wondered why she couldn't run and somehow it just seemed normal that she needed to rest every afternoon. By the time I was a teenager, she was using a walker and a wheelchair. By the time I left home, things deteriorated even further. I remember feeling a lot of anger about her disease. How could someone as sweet and kind as her end up with such a horrible fucking disease? How? In what world is that just or fair?

Mom was very, very practical. I remember learning about reincarnation in my early 20's and I really liked the concept. It made sense. I talked to Mom about it and I told her "You know, Mom.... maybe you and Dad have been together in a life before this. Maybe in this life, he needed to learn some lessons about being unselfish and having to care for another person. Maybe you chose this disease to help him discover that within himself." Mom took a second to think about it then said "I'd like to think I would have found another way." Touche Mamma.

I miss her today. I miss her so much but I wouldn't wish her back. At the end of her life, she was tube fed, catherterized and I could barely understand what she was saying. She lived in that state for the last 3 or 4 years of her life. She was so, so tired when she finally left us yet I never once heard her complain. This is not an exaggeration. Never once.

"How are you doing, Mom?"

The answer was always, ALWAYS "Great!" with a big smile. Even when this woman could not scratch her own nose if it was itchy, she would tell me that she was 'Great!'.

My Mom was so loved. She lived long enough to meet all of her grandchildren. She had so much in this life and I know she was grateful for all of it, but man.... I just really, really miss her.

To the right is a picture of Mom with my niece, Megan that was taken about 10 years ago; as you can clearly see, Mom delighted in being a Grandma. In this picture, Mom is in her wheelchair and the grandkids always loved sitting with Grandma in her chair. When Connor was 3 and Mom started having a lot of trouble with coordination in her hands, he would sit on her knee and feed her oranges. She loved oranges.... and he actually called her 'Grandma of the Oranges'. I have that on video.

I wish she was here right now so that I could ask her for advice. I wish I could hug her and smell her. I would give anything to hear her laugh again. Yes, I'm grateful that I was given such an amazing Mom, don't be me wrong. But I'm greedy. I want her back, healthy and laughing and playing with her grandkids. I want to shop with her and drink wine together and benefit from her practical wisdom. But.... that's not possible, so I will do my best to keep her memory alive and honour her legacy of love by passing it along.

Love you, Mom.

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Marie Delvina Lillian Pelchat Barth (aka 'Lily')

August 10, 1940 - January 1, 2006

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