Sanctuary

There is a lot of anger swirling around Facebook right now regarding Syrian refugees. People are deleting friends over it and even their own Facebook accounts. This is my take for what it's worth....

I did delete a person who referred to refugees as 'sand niggers'. Pure disgusting racism. However, I also have friend who is American and he has a genuine concern for safety around terrorism - whether his concern is based in reality or not, it is a genuine concern. If I lived in a country that was impacted by 9-11, I may be far more apprehensive in this situation. I don't know and I'm grateful that I don't have to know how that must feel.

I personally support accepting refugees wholeheartedly. Full stop. But I want to come from a place of understanding for my friend who is acting out of concern for the safety of himself and his loved ones. Do I think that welcoming refugees impacts my safety? No, I don't. But for him, that feels real and I know that if I thought something was a threat to myself, or especially to my children, I would stop at nothing to fight it. Nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G, even if that threat was perceived and not real. So I need to have compassion or at least attempt a level of understanding for what he is experiencing. Anything less would be disloyal and closed minded.

The topics of Christianity, gun control, school shootings, Nazis and fear-based ruling of nations could be invoked at this time but I don't think it's helpful to the people who are in need of our focus. It only encourages more strife and that is not what is needed right now.

Do I have compassion for radical Islam extremists who commit acts of terror? Hell no, but they too are doing what they believe is right which just makes me sad. So where do we begin? We begin with doing the right thing. With taking all of the bullshit out of the equation and reducing it down to the Golden Rule. We help the innocents who are in this situation through no fault of their own. We help the babies and their parents who are fighting for their lives. 

Why? Because it's the right thing to do and that needs to start somewhere. 

I titled this post 'sanctuary'. I always go with my gut when I pull a title for my blog posts and that was the first thing that came to mind. Then I remembered using that title, or at least the word, in previous posts when talking about where I escape to when I need to lick my wounds (I'm talking about you, Barb Thurston and Linda Coffin). Perspective. I have a safe place to go when I'm hurt or sad or angry or feeling hopeless. I also have a comfortable safe home. These refugees, these PEOPLE have nothing. No home, no safety, nothing. My god. 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

-Edmund Burke

The Empty Nest

The Empty Nest

It's looming. It's not going to resemble any preconceived idea I had about it. When I envisioned my empty nest, it was WAY off in the future; not 11 months away.  They are all three still babies. I don't understand how this happened, and now I have become one of THOSE women who has pictures of their kids from when they were small, everywhere. I'm serious. Bridget calls it my 'shrine'. She says "You need to do something about that shrine, Ma. It's embarrassing." She's right.

The other thing I didn't envision was facing it alone, but life happens and it's messy and it gives us what we need sometimes, rather than what we want. At least my alone-ish-ness in facing this was my decision. This year I have seen up close the tragedy of having that decision made for you, and it's a reminder to be grateful. It's a reminder to always see life through the lens where you have it 'less awful' than someone else. Compassion. Appreciation. I know mothers who would love to have my problem. I'm launching three healthy, happy, strong, smart, adventurous people into the world. What a ride it's been. What a gift. 

I was pouring my heart out to a friend a bit ago about my dread surrounding the impending empty nest. Here's what she had to say to me:

"Ah, the empty nest. Let's try an imagining. You wave off the last fledgling, rearrange the nest nice and comfortably, and wait with dignity as The Matriarch. You are not left behind, but rather you become the centre of their safety. They know. You may feel alone, but think what they are thinking. Mom is our centre and she waits, never changing in her love for us. She is our stable point in all the adventures and changes, good and bad, that are whirling about us. I can see it!"

How amazing are those words? I needed to blog them so I would have them forever but I also needed to blog them because they are beautiful and eloquent and important. Thank you for the gift of these words, Frances. You're an incredible friend and I'm so grateful to have you in my world.

(My blog. My shrine. No mocking me Bridget!)

ICE CREAM!!!!

So I was at the mall the other day (have I mentioned how much I hate going to the mall?). I was sitting down and a fellow in his 60's or so in a wheelchair with pretty clear cognitive deficits scooted by. I gave him a warm smile, just because he seemed to be a happy soul.  About 20 minutes later I saw him eating an ice cream cone. It was soft ice cream and he was really enjoying it. He even had a wee bit on the tip of his nose.

Fast forward another 20 minutes.  I'm back sitting in my original spot and he wheels up to me and says "I HAD AN ICE CREAM CONE!!!!!" I smiled and said "I saw that! I walked past when you were eating it and you looked like you were lovin' that ice cream cone."

"I WAS!!!" said he. "I LOVE ICE CREAM!!!!"  Now I was laughing.  His enthusiasm was completely contagious. I'm actually smiling as I type this, just remembering the encounter.  I said "Life is too short not to eat ice cream, isn't it?"

"YEAH!!!! I'm coming back tomorrow for MORE ice cream" he said.  

I've thought about him often since I saw him that day. There was just something really special about the complete joy he had in something as simple and wonderful as an ice cream cone.

I've been trying to be more 'mindful' as of late. I hate the buzz word but I like the concept. That moment with the Ice Cream Dude was a mindful moment. But it was also a lesson in trying to be happy about the little victories in this life.... like loving an ice cream cone SO MUCH that you don't even give a shit that there is a plop of it on the end of your nose.  

David

This guy.

David Yule. Husband of my best friend on this planet, my best friend of 30 years, Barb. I've blogged about her here before.

David Yule was a fucking force of nature. Most of the time he scared the hell out of me. He knew who he was. He had opinions and wasn't afraid to share them, often loudly. When he laughed, he had the most fabulous crinkles on his cheekbones and he laughed often.

He was larger than life. He worked hard, played hard and loved his family ferociously. He married Barb when she was 21 and OHMYGOD they look like babies in their wedding photo. He said things like "Ok. You were right... and I was that other thing."

This isn't the most articulate blog I've ever written, but I don't care. I'm rusty and getting back into it again and this one hurts so I'm just throwing words onto the page.

Barb and Dave were (are? I hate this) the best team I have ever seen. Was it perfect? God no. I remember one time when he made her mad and she drove to see me in Nakusp (a 3 hour drive) just to vent. She tells the story of when he tried to throw out the Disney videos she used to watch with their kids and she threw her wedding dress at him, saying "Here! Why don't you throw this away too?!!!"

But together they were magic. The were a team. They worked hard to move forward in the same direction, overcoming adversity and balancing one another. They loved each other like no other and created a life that was a solid foundation for their amazing kids and a safe and wonderful place for friends - their many, many friends from all over the world.

David worked in Russia and he loved it. Barb kept the home fires burning while he was away, working, driving kids to hockey and once again, they found a beautiful balance. He couldn't do what he did without her and he was her anchor. When he was home, they always found a way to squeeze everything out of their time together.

And now he's gone and it's left a hole that I can't describe. Barb without Dave? How is it even possible? But it is. It's real and it's stupid and it makes me want to scream because if there was ever a man who deserved a long life it was him.

But life goes on. The sun continues to rise and set, as unthinkable as that is after a tragic loss like this one. Barb has found a way to move forward because he would expect her to and he still finds ways to nudge her along as only he could.

Barb will be ok. Jacob and Sara will be ok. But the world is a bit dimmer and less interesting without him in it.