Ruby a.k.a. Stitch a.k.a. Satan

Readers, meet Ruby.  Ruby is the newest addition to the Barth/Conley/Gustafson tribe and she is adorable but very, very evil.  She is five months old and has lived at the Cranbrook SPCA since her birth which I think goes a long way to explaining her satanic ways.  When I met her for the first time, she scratched me and ran away.  She does that on a daily basis and also growls which led me to the conclusion that she wasn't actually a cat, she was an alien like on the cartoon "Lilo and Stitch".  Do you see the similarity?  Do you?  DO YOU?!!!!

Ruby is half manx which is a h-u-g-e part of her charm and I'm sure one of the few reasons that she hasn't been strangled yet.  Not quite manx but certainly not 'normal' (in oh, so many ways).  She has half a tail.  Half.  Have you ever seen anything quite like that before?  Ever?

Ruby was named after one of the characters in the television show 'Supernatural'.... a beautiful demon.  Appropriate somehow, no?  'Stitch' CERTAINLY would have worked well too but for now, she's our Ruby and we love her.

Now if only I can get her to stop taking her evil demon poops in my plants.... maybe I'll smite her.

Suze-isms

Yes, I've been away a long time.  Blah, blah, blah.... I apologize.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.... so sorry.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you all about the 'Custom Dictionary' on my BlackBerry.  I was looking through it the other night and had so much fun that I simply have to share it with y'all.  Now for those of you who are even less technologically inclined than I am (a rare beast you must be if you exist), a custom dictionary keeps a list of words that you use frequently that the existing dictionary on the BlackBerry doesn't recognize.  Here we go.

Abbotsford: Where Jim's parents live, folks who I absolutely ADORE.  Their home has become a refuge for me and I love them so much.

Absolution: Since when is that not a word???  Sheesh.  Apparently I must require it on a regular basis.

Advil:  Thank fuck for Advil.  You know those people who always say "Oh, I just HATE taking painkillers".  Yeah.  I'm not one of them.  I buy it in bulk at Costco.

Apologize:  Whatever.  My BlackBerry is set to UK English where they want me to use 'apologise' instead.  Looks dumb and reminds me of a former co-worker who really needed a head-squishing.

Asshat:  Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!  Love that word.  Reminds me of Shannon, a former co-worker who I love and who is funny as fuck.  She introduced me to it.

Bitches:  Yay, Bitches!  Especially the Blind Bay variety.

Blech: Really, what other word can you use?  "Susan, would you like olives on your pizza?"  Blech.

Bwah:  As in "Bwah ha ha ha ha"!

Carmella:  Short for 'Carmella Soprano'.  My darling offspring believe that I have mafia-wife hair.  Hence the nickname.

Citran:  Apparently the dictionary recognized 'neo' which is best paired with 'citran'.  Please see 'Advil' above for opinions re: voluntary pain.

Clusterfuck: A word describing my life at least 3 times per week.  Plus, I just like any word I can pair with 'fuck'.  Yes, I'm a potty mouth.  So was Elizabeth Taylor.  What of it?

C*nt:  I really, really, REALLY want to type the entire word but I don't want to offend anyone although the mere suggestion of the word has likely already done the job.  People who know me well know that I love that word.  I refuse to let anyone make a word that describes a part of my body into something derogatory.  Reclaim that word, ladies.  Seriously.  It's ours.

Ding-ding:  A term of endearment, really.  If I haven't called you 'Ding-ding' at least once, I probably don't really like you all that much.  Just sayin'.

Donde:  As in "Donde Esta", Spanish for "Where is".  I use it all the time.  "Donde esta keys?!!!"  or even "Donde Esta Love?!!" if I feel that I'm not getting enough attention at any given time.  Hijacked this one from Seeso.

Fiestaware:  I heart Fiestaware.  I have no words.

Fishercat:  Dear God.  This is whole blogpost of it's own.  I'll be sure to make it my next one.... in another 7 or 8 months.  Thought I better say it because all of you were thinking it.  Haters.

Fuck:  Also - fucked, fucker, fuckers, fuckin', fucking, fuckity (as in 'what the fucikty fuck?!), motherfucker, motherfucking and last but not least, fucktard.  I'm seriously sorry if I've offended anyone here.  I was raised Catholic and was unable to use that word for the first 16 years of my life.  I have a lot of making up to do.

Helga:  Another nickname for my hair.  From my children.  They think I'm actually powerless and the only reason I have any ferocious-ness at all is because of the independent entity that resides atop my head.  Is my hair really that bad???

Hijinx:  Seriously!!!  Is there a better word in the English language?  Love getting up to all sorts o' hijinx on a regular basis.

Nyquil: Please see above definitions for 'Advil' and 'Neo Citran'.  If I had a triplicate prescription pad I'd be dangerous.

Ohmygod:  Much more effictive with no spacing.  Also, "omg" and "omgomgomgomg". 

Pooter:  Cutest word in the world for my downstairs girlie-bits.  'Pooterville' is also there for which I have no reasonable explanation.

Roundy: I like to put a 'y' on the end of many, many words.  It's cute when I do it, I swear to god.

Schmoosh:  Also, 'Schmooshy' and 'Schmooshing'.  A lovely way to describe cuddles.  I really do love schmooshing.

Wowza:  a way I express being speechless.  I am incapable of being speechless, therefore I needed to create a word that replaced speech-less-ish-ness.

Zilla:  Something I put on the end of a word to accentuate it.  How tired am I?  It's 2:58am.  Tired-zilla.