Tonight was a tough night.
On January 1 of this year, my friend Caroline died from a brain tumour. She was 49. I had the enormous privilege of knowing her, spending time with her when she was sick, and helping to plan her funeral.
Tonight, I snuggled Caroline's grandson, Landon. He is her first grandchild and he was born only weeks ago. I rocked him in her kitchen and told him all about her which was hard but also beautiful. I held him close to me and in the warmth of her home, and told Landon about his Grandma.....
Caroline had the best laugh ever. She had a beautiful voice and her laugh was a giggle that sounded like chimes tinkling. She was inquisitive and smart. She loved to research alternative medicines and organic foods and was very knowledgeable. She even researched her brain cancer... after she was diagnosed, she sat at my kitchen table and gave my children a biology lesson in brain cancer and told them that she wanted them to learn along with her on this journey. She didn't want them to be scared or sad for 'Aunty Caroline'. She wanted them to be interested and educated. She accepted her diagnosis with grace.
Caroline raised three really amazing children with a partner who adored her. Watching Landon's Mamma nurturing him tonight helped me to see that Caroline's legacy lives on through her children. Caroline loved being a Mother. There is nothing that was more important to her than her family. Caroline would have been an amazing Grandma.
I want to finish this post on a lighter note because Caroline will roll her eyes at me wherever she is if I don't. By the time Katie found out she was pregnant, Caroline was already becoming confused from the cancer in her brain. Didace, her husband, was excited to share the news of Katie's pregnancy with Caroline, knowing how happy it would make her. He sat down on her hospital bed and told her, "Guess what? You're going to be a Grandma....". She processed this for a moment, then lit up and said "That means you're going to be a Dad!"
Caroline had an amazing attitude until the end. She was grateful for the life she lived and the love she experienced while on this earth. She left all who loved her with the gift of acceptance and gratitude and I love her for it. We will all make sure that wee Landon knows just exactly how amazing his Grandma was, and how much she loved just the idea of him.
1 comment:
Hey Suze,
It took me a long time to comment on this, not only because being a mom is crazy busy stuff, but also I needed to be in the right frame of mind to have what I felt (feel) be put into words. YOu Susan are so good at that, have you ever thought about writing a book, it would be like susan for your soul or something. Anywhoo, I truly appreciate what you have written about my mom, I visit often to re-read it. Each time it brings a tear to my eye, at the thought of my mom not being able to cuddle Landon and watch him grow in person. ( I know she is watching though). and then it ends with a wiped away tear and a smile for the funny lady she was, both normally and under funny brain tumor mode. LOL! She was an amazing woman, who truly guided my being and still does, but whats more to me is that she touched so many other people who can pass that on to Landon for me. The fact that you told Landon all about mom is phenomenal. He needs to hear it from more than just me, as I tend to be a little biased toward my family (it rocks). The more he hears it the more he'll understand about her. I know she watches him though. It is so special to me that you have cuddles in you for Landon, that I am sure my mom gave to you to save for him. It feels that way when you are with us. Just so you know you are a piece of home to me, I appreciate all you have done and all that you will do with my family. Just know how special you are. Mom's legacy lives on because of people who are brave and strong enough to let it. Don't ever silence your memory of her. I speak my memory of her each day, and sometimes only to myself, but it is still spoken. And the laugh of hers that you speak of I hear more and more in my own laugh, and then I laugh harder (wouldn't you guess it) and lots of times it is just me and Landon here to hear it. I still laugh. Thanks Susan for writing this piece. It touches my heart and Landon's too. He loves his Aunty Susan. xoxoxo
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