Yes, I've been away a long time. Blah, blah, blah.... I apologize. Yadda, yadda, yadda.... so sorry.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you all about the 'Custom Dictionary' on my BlackBerry. I was looking through it the other night and had so much fun that I simply have to share it with y'all. Now for those of you who are even less technologically inclined than I am (a rare beast you must be if you exist), a custom dictionary keeps a list of words that you use frequently that the existing dictionary on the BlackBerry doesn't recognize. Here we go.
Abbotsford: Where Jim's parents live, folks who I absolutely ADORE. Their home has become a refuge for me and I love them so much.
Absolution: Since when is that not a word??? Sheesh. Apparently I must require it on a regular basis.
Advil: Thank fuck for Advil. You know those people who always say "Oh, I just HATE taking painkillers". Yeah. I'm not one of them. I buy it in bulk at Costco.
Apologize: Whatever. My BlackBerry is set to UK English where they want me to use 'apologise' instead. Looks dumb and reminds me of a former co-worker who really needed a head-squishing.
Asshat: Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Love that word. Reminds me of Shannon, a former co-worker who I love and who is funny as fuck. She introduced me to it.
Bitches: Yay, Bitches! Especially the Blind Bay variety.
Blech: Really, what other word can you use? "Susan, would you like olives on your pizza?" Blech.
Bwah: As in "Bwah ha ha ha ha"!
Carmella: Short for 'Carmella Soprano'. My darling offspring believe that I have mafia-wife hair. Hence the nickname.
Citran: Apparently the dictionary recognized 'neo' which is best paired with 'citran'. Please see 'Advil' above for opinions re: voluntary pain.
Clusterfuck: A word describing my life at least 3 times per week. Plus, I just like any word I can pair with 'fuck'. Yes, I'm a potty mouth. So was Elizabeth Taylor. What of it?
C*nt: I really, really, REALLY want to type the entire word but I don't want to offend anyone although the mere suggestion of the word has likely already done the job. People who know me well know that I love that word. I refuse to let anyone make a word that describes a part of my body into something derogatory. Reclaim that word, ladies. Seriously. It's ours.
Ding-ding: A term of endearment, really. If I haven't called you 'Ding-ding' at least once, I probably don't really like you all that much. Just sayin'.
Donde: As in "Donde Esta", Spanish for "Where is". I use it all the time. "Donde esta keys?!!!" or even "Donde Esta Love?!!" if I feel that I'm not getting enough attention at any given time. Hijacked this one from Seeso.
Fiestaware: I heart Fiestaware. I have no words.
Fishercat: Dear God. This is whole blogpost of it's own. I'll be sure to make it my next one.... in another 7 or 8 months. Thought I better say it because all of you were thinking it. Haters.
Fuck: Also - fucked, fucker, fuckers, fuckin', fucking, fuckity (as in 'what the fucikty fuck?!), motherfucker, motherfucking and last but not least, fucktard. I'm seriously sorry if I've offended anyone here. I was raised Catholic and was unable to use that word for the first 16 years of my life. I have a lot of making up to do.
Helga: Another nickname for my hair. From my children. They think I'm actually powerless and the only reason I have any ferocious-ness at all is because of the independent entity that resides atop my head. Is my hair really that bad???
Hijinx: Seriously!!! Is there a better word in the English language? Love getting up to all sorts o' hijinx on a regular basis.
Nyquil: Please see above definitions for 'Advil' and 'Neo Citran'. If I had a triplicate prescription pad I'd be dangerous.
Ohmygod: Much more effictive with no spacing. Also, "omg" and "omgomgomgomg".
Pooter: Cutest word in the world for my downstairs girlie-bits. 'Pooterville' is also there for which I have no reasonable explanation.
Roundy: I like to put a 'y' on the end of many, many words. It's cute when I do it, I swear to god.
Schmoosh: Also, 'Schmooshy' and 'Schmooshing'. A lovely way to describe cuddles. I really do love schmooshing.
Wowza: a way I express being speechless. I am incapable of being speechless, therefore I needed to create a word that replaced speech-less-ish-ness.
Zilla: Something I put on the end of a word to accentuate it. How tired am I? It's 2:58am. Tired-zilla.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you all about the 'Custom Dictionary' on my BlackBerry. I was looking through it the other night and had so much fun that I simply have to share it with y'all. Now for those of you who are even less technologically inclined than I am (a rare beast you must be if you exist), a custom dictionary keeps a list of words that you use frequently that the existing dictionary on the BlackBerry doesn't recognize. Here we go.
Abbotsford: Where Jim's parents live, folks who I absolutely ADORE. Their home has become a refuge for me and I love them so much.
Absolution: Since when is that not a word??? Sheesh. Apparently I must require it on a regular basis.
Advil: Thank fuck for Advil. You know those people who always say "Oh, I just HATE taking painkillers". Yeah. I'm not one of them. I buy it in bulk at Costco.
Apologize: Whatever. My BlackBerry is set to UK English where they want me to use 'apologise' instead. Looks dumb and reminds me of a former co-worker who really needed a head-squishing.
Asshat: Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Love that word. Reminds me of Shannon, a former co-worker who I love and who is funny as fuck. She introduced me to it.
Bitches: Yay, Bitches! Especially the Blind Bay variety.
Blech: Really, what other word can you use? "Susan, would you like olives on your pizza?" Blech.
Bwah: As in "Bwah ha ha ha ha"!
Carmella: Short for 'Carmella Soprano'. My darling offspring believe that I have mafia-wife hair. Hence the nickname.
Citran: Apparently the dictionary recognized 'neo' which is best paired with 'citran'. Please see 'Advil' above for opinions re: voluntary pain.
Clusterfuck: A word describing my life at least 3 times per week. Plus, I just like any word I can pair with 'fuck'. Yes, I'm a potty mouth. So was Elizabeth Taylor. What of it?
C*nt: I really, really, REALLY want to type the entire word but I don't want to offend anyone although the mere suggestion of the word has likely already done the job. People who know me well know that I love that word. I refuse to let anyone make a word that describes a part of my body into something derogatory. Reclaim that word, ladies. Seriously. It's ours.
Ding-ding: A term of endearment, really. If I haven't called you 'Ding-ding' at least once, I probably don't really like you all that much. Just sayin'.
Donde: As in "Donde Esta", Spanish for "Where is". I use it all the time. "Donde esta keys?!!!" or even "Donde Esta Love?!!" if I feel that I'm not getting enough attention at any given time. Hijacked this one from Seeso.
Fiestaware: I heart Fiestaware. I have no words.
Fishercat: Dear God. This is whole blogpost of it's own. I'll be sure to make it my next one.... in another 7 or 8 months. Thought I better say it because all of you were thinking it. Haters.
Fuck: Also - fucked, fucker, fuckers, fuckin', fucking, fuckity (as in 'what the fucikty fuck?!), motherfucker, motherfucking and last but not least, fucktard. I'm seriously sorry if I've offended anyone here. I was raised Catholic and was unable to use that word for the first 16 years of my life. I have a lot of making up to do.
Helga: Another nickname for my hair. From my children. They think I'm actually powerless and the only reason I have any ferocious-ness at all is because of the independent entity that resides atop my head. Is my hair really that bad???
Hijinx: Seriously!!! Is there a better word in the English language? Love getting up to all sorts o' hijinx on a regular basis.
Nyquil: Please see above definitions for 'Advil' and 'Neo Citran'. If I had a triplicate prescription pad I'd be dangerous.
Ohmygod: Much more effictive with no spacing. Also, "omg" and "omgomgomgomg".
Pooter: Cutest word in the world for my downstairs girlie-bits. 'Pooterville' is also there for which I have no reasonable explanation.
Roundy: I like to put a 'y' on the end of many, many words. It's cute when I do it, I swear to god.
Schmoosh: Also, 'Schmooshy' and 'Schmooshing'. A lovely way to describe cuddles. I really do love schmooshing.
Wowza: a way I express being speechless. I am incapable of being speechless, therefore I needed to create a word that replaced speech-less-ish-ness.
Zilla: Something I put on the end of a word to accentuate it. How tired am I? It's 2:58am. Tired-zilla.
