Percy is Pissed!

Seriously people!!!

Look at his cute eyes. His cute little fingers. His bushy little tail!

Everyone; meet Percy.

(I can't get used to Priscilla. Just can't do it.)

Since I had no success for 2 nights in a row with the trap, I decided to do a little googling. The general consensus seemed to be that peanut butter was the best lure, so I put some on a cracker, tucked it into the cage and set the trap. I turned the lights off, came into my bedroom and was sitting on the edge of my bed, setting my alarm clock for the morning when I heard 'wham'! I assumed that I simply hadn't set the trap correctly and went to reset it.

The second I entered the kitchen, Percy went bananas.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

It was like the cage itself was alive. I grabbed my camera (thinking of y'all and the photos I promised) and laid down on my stomach on the floor. I started talking to him and he settled right down. I guess he's used to my voice. He was very curious about the camera and the noises that it was making but went about his business, eating peanut butter and trying to plot his escape.

At the moment, Percy is in his cage in the garage. Driving up a logging road in the dark at 11:00pm on a Sunday night didn't seem like the smartest choice so he'll stay there until I finish work tomorrow and I'll do the release then.

I know I sound very calm and brave at the moment, but of course after I discovered him, I immediately called my friend-who-doesn't-want-to-be-named-in-my-blog (still rhymes with 'Barb Vincent') and left her a hysterical voicemail message. I have no doubt that she will laugh hysterically when she listens to it. I bet Percy would LOVE to move in with Barb.... she has a nice horse trailer that would be perfect for him.

So. Percy 3, Suze 1. I'm not confident enough to claim victory just yet.... little Houdini could still suprise me when I open the garage door tomorrow.

To be continued....

*sigh*

0945 hrs.

Trap door triggered shut, no packrat in it.

Percy-Priscilla 3 Suze 0

0418 Hrs

Almost asleep... just on the verge when I hear 'THUNK'.
My bleary mind thinks "Oh, must be Percy."
Suddenly my eyes are wide open, remembering the 'live trap'.
Then I groan, remembering the Priscilla potential.

I head for the kitchen, turning lights on as I go.
There on the kitchen counter is the trap with the door closed.
There beside the cage (no, not inside) is Priscilla-Percy.

Priscilla-Percy 2 Suze 0

Oh. My. God.

So, Connor requires a ride home from Fauquier at around 12:30am. No Percy sightings yet and I'm surprised; I usually see him buy this time of night. Off to Fauquier to pick up Connor, home at 2:00am. I come into the house, certain that Percy will have been captured, but alas, the cage is empty.

I haven't seen Connor in over a week, so we sit on the sofa to talk and catch up. I hear a noise. Outside. Huh? The windows are open and who shows up, climbing the screens? Percy. Outside the house.

Connor goes to open the patio door and I holler at him to stop. Don't let Percy in!!! But Ma, how will you catch him in the cage if he's outside? WTF?? I'm going to let a packrat INTO my house so that I can catch him in a cage? I decide to leave Percy outside when he climbs onto the screen again.

Connor watches Percy then says "Uh... Ma?".
Oh, God. I see it too. Mother of God, I see it too.

Percy has nipples. Big nipples. Percy is Priscilla.
And Priscilla is either about 7 minutes from giving birth or has a litter of critters somewhere.
(I refuse to say it. Don't make me say it.)
No wonder Priscilla is going bananas at my window screen trying to get INTO the house.

0348hrs.
Priscilla 1 Suze 0

The Plot to Pinch Percy the Packrat

Operation Capture Percy has commenced. At approximately 1630 hrs the 'live trap' was procured.

Subsequently, a shiny object and apple remnants were placed carefully in the trap near his favourite spot in the house (beside the bread basket and the shiny coffee maker).

Countertops were bleached (yet again - packrat feet.... ugh) and will obviously be bleached again upon capture.

ETA for completion of Stage 1 of this mission: 0200 hours. (Nocturnal little mofo). Updates to follow once fugitive has been secured. Photographic documentation for the purpose of helping people understand just how cute he is and why there is no way in hell I can drown him (advice from practically every male I have talked to in the past 3 days) to follow as well.

Gustafson out.

**Postscript: I am ridiculously proud of myself for setting this contraption up all by myself. Yes, Ray (the fella who is lending me his trap... thanks Ray!) had to explain it to me FOUR times, but still, I did it!!!

It's Official.

War has been declared.

Percy ate my caramilk last night.
Nibble on my bread? Kinda cute.
Steal my cherries? Who could blame him?!
Eat my caramilk? Mess with my chocolate?!!

You've gone too far, Percy my friend.
You've heard the saying "Don't rub another man's rhubarb"?
Yeah, well you don't ever, ever come between a woman and her chocolate.

The live trap arrives tonight.
Once he is my captive, I will take pictures for you all to see.
If you've been nice to me this year, you're safe.
If not?
Guess where Percy just might be released?

To be continued......

Claudette

Please meet my beautiful friend, Claudette. If you don't mind, I'd like you all to take a moment, close your eyes and send positive thoughts her way. Notch Hill in Sorrento (just outside of Blind Bay) is on fire and the fire is now only 1 kilometer from Claudette's house. She and her family have been evacuated and there is nothing I can do to help other than to let her know how much I love her and that I'm thinking about her.

I met Claudette through Barb in Blind Bay. As you know, I love all of the Blind Bay Bitches but Claudette and I connected through tequila so you can imagine how powerful that bond is. (Seriously!!) She is my Sista, my friend and an incredible woman. I'm concerned for her but not worried because I know how strong and positive she is. She will forge ahead and be just fine no matter what happens.

When my marriage ended, I received an email from Claudette that I clung to; I still read it often. Her words were wise and calmed me when I felt like everything was spiralling out of control; she reminded me of my own strength and now I have the chance to remind her of hers. You are an amazing, positive, strong, compassionate, feisty broad, Claudette. You're gonna be just fine.....

(Group hug for Claudette!!!)

xo

Suze Vs. Percy

(Left: What a packrat really looks like and Right: What I think a packrat looks like)

Tonight, I went to bed and read for a bit (ok, a long bit). Harmless one would think, right? Not so much. I was reading peacefully when suddenly I heard a noise in the kitchen. Being the intrepid country girl that I am, I went to investigate.

There on my countertop, happily eating my cherries (that I just bought today, thank you very much) was a packrat. A PACKRAT. Now, I suspected that I might have a packrat living with me (and anyone who reads my blog knows this isn't the first time I've encountered this particular bit o' fun) but I was happily in denial until this point.

I looked at him. He looked at me. Then he carried on eating my cherries. So I did what any rational person would do; I yelled a very bad word ('Motherfucker' to be exact - sorry, Aunt Gay) and grabbed my broom. Cleverly (or so I thought) I opened the screen door to the deck and the chase was on. I tried to gently guide him (read: "beat") him towards the open door. He decided that going under my sofa was a much better idea which is hard evidence that this creature is likely smarter than I am. I stuffed the broom under the sofa and he took off again with me chasing behind him until he decided to go downstairs. No way in HELL was I following him. It's dark down there and being a nocturnal creature, I decided that he likely had the distinct advantage at that point.

I needed moral support so I phoned one of my friends who doesn't want to be named in my blog (it rhymes with 'Barb Vincent') to tell her my tale of woe. She laughed. She laughed and laughed and laughed. She told me that we should name him (Percy the Packrat, no less) and that I should just think of him as a small cat. Uh huh. She thinks this is a spectator sport. Tomorrow night she wants to come over and see him.

I had just finally calmed myself down when the wee bugger made a second appearance. A second appearance! I had put everything that resembled food away securely in the hopes of thwarting his thievery, but this time he decided to eat the flowers that my Seeso left for me. I liked my flowers!!! More broom action, less swearing. Back down to the basement he went.

I hate to admit it, but.... he was cute. Not just a little cute. Really cute. Imagine a squirrel, but about 4 times larger. Seriously, how cute is that?? Tomorrow I will find a live trap. I think I know a guy who has one. Aaarrrggghh!!!

Maybe Barb needs a 'small cat' at her place.....

Ok people. I just got up to pee and what do I hear? Skittering. In the kitchen. The lights go on again only to reveal the not-so-cute-anymore packrat with a guilty look on his face. I forgot to take the bread out of the bread basket. Yes, on the counter. Round 3. Broom in one hand, dustpan in the other. Wild look in my eyes. Medusa hair. Terrified packrat. Behind the microwave? Oh, no mister, I can get you there. More packrat terror. More wild-eyed Suze. He finally regains his composure and finds his path downstairs again. Seriously people. It's 3:26am!!!! Grrrrr...... perhaps I can find a less humane trap in town tomorrow. Like, say... a weapon. Ninja thingies. Whatever. I'm in. If you see me in cammo with a crossbow slung across my back in the next day or two, best not to ask any questions.

Mike 'n Sue

Meet Mike and Sue.

Mike and Sue are very close friends of my brother Darryl and I have hijacked them from him. I kid, I kid!! (Sorta). As Sue assures me, she has lots of love to go around.

I met these wonderful people last October during our annual 'Barth Sibling Weekend'. They were very gracious and didn't stay long, not wanting to interrupt the sib bonding, but they really wanted to pop by to meet Darryl's clan and I'm so glad that they did. Sue and I clicked immediately. You know when you meet a person and you think "Oh, yeah. THIS person I could really like..."? Exactly.

After meeting them in Calgary, Sue and I kept in touch periodically via email or now and then by phone but not often. A couple of weeks ago she called to touch base to see how I was doing (she'd heard through brother Dare about recent changes in my world) and then she called a few days later to say that they would be in BC and asked if it would it be ok if they came through Nakusp to stay the night? Hell, yes!

They arrived with amazing cheese and brilliant wine and a gift for me -- one of Mike's paintings that Sue had framed; a prairie landscape, my favourite. Anyone who knows me well knows that I collect prairie art. (See it above? Do you see that incredible sun?? I just love it.) Such an unexpected and much, much appreciated gift.

Within minutes of their arrival, Mike had a beer in hand and his watercolours unpacked and was out on the deck painting a landscape. It felt so comfortable and so.... right. They took me out for dinner (thanks again for the great meal, my friends) then we came home and ate the cheese and wine they brought. Let me stop here. This wasn't mozarella and Lonesome Charlie, ok? Seriously. Sue hates cheese but my God she knows how to pair it with wine. The purpose of their BC excursion was to purchase wine from a winery in Kermeos that they enjoy and it was a little sliver of heaven, let me tell you.

Connor sat up with us and we talked and listened to music into the wee hours. They introduced us to a great cd... the name of the artist escapes me at the moment, but man was it good. Very angsty and raw. Mike and Connor talked about guitars and it was so great to watch my boy connect with this incredible couple.

It's been a summer of fun and surprises. Challenges and painful growth for me and for my children. Having people like this in our life makes that road so much easier to travel. See you in December, my friends...

Gracie and the Shuswap

Holy Cats.

Does it get much better than this?? I went to visit Barb (the second that David's plane left for Siberia, as per usual) and was really needing some down time. We had a fantastic time laughing, eating, drinking and enjoying time on her deck, but the highlight was a day out on 'Gracie'.

'Gracie' is a boat owned by Don and Tamara, good friends of Barb's who have taken me under their Blind Bay wing. When I was moving , these kind folks sent a sectional sofa over for me to have. Seriously, who does that? Don and Tamara are simply good people. Kind, fun loving, excellent people. They are a great couple... spending the day on the boat with them was such a treat and being around them reminded me (and my cynical brain) that it is possible to find love again.

It was a sunny day on the Shuswap and Don drove us all over the place for hours. The poor bastard was the only rooster in the hen house so of course, we had to make him wear a bikini top. He was such a good sport about it but did spend a rather uncomfortable amount of time fondling his bikini top. He claims that spending the day on the boat with a bunch of tipsy women was a very educating experience. I think he may have learned more than he ever wanted to know about what drunken women talk about.

My Blind Bay Sista, Claudette joined us later in the day with a bottle of tequila. (I love you, Claudette!!!) Now, 'Gracie' has a potty on board. No lie. There is a trap door that you lift and it creates a curtained off area for privacy. Claudette decided to use the facilities and was in the curtained area when the boat started rocking, causing the trap door to close. Oh. My. God. All I could see was the trap door slowly closing with Claudette inside and her cute little head peeking out the top with a look of horror. Funny? Oh, yeah.

It was a wonderful day of relaxation, laughter and simplicity. When you are out on the water in the sunshine, nothing else exists. No worries, no anxiety. It was just what I needed.

In the pictures above, you can see me with Barb as we enjoy our day on the boat. You can also see Don and Tamara... yes, Tamara is my age but looks like a teenager. If she wasn't the sweetest person alive, it would be easy to hate her for this fact. Don and Tamara have an annual 'Talk Like a Pirate Day" party. I'm attending this year and you can guarantee there will be a lively blog post about that particular event! Thanks for an amazing day, my friends. You're the best!!

Mysterious Girlie Bits

So.

I had to have a small day surgery done this week, yes... on my mysterious girlie bits. Too much information? Likely, but how much fun is it to say 'Mysterious Girlie Bits'? Seriously.

Since I live in a small town, travel is an essential part of any medical procedure that needs to be done. Luckily, I only had to drive to Nelson (only 2 hours away) so I was able to leave the night before the surgery and stay with my beloved Seeso. In typical Suze fashion, I packed the agenda very tightly. My surgery was planned for August 20 which also happens to be Bridget's birthday so I organized a birthday dinner for her that was combined with a going-away party for Connor's good friend Jaimee who leaves for university soon. Yes, a dinner party for hungry teenagers combined with packing to leave for a surgery right after dinner. Oh, so smart.

As per usual I was running around like a maniac which almost always leads to trouble; and it did. While cooking I managed to burn my hand , quite badly. (Yes, Susan... the burner was hot. You didn't REALLY need to touch it to know that.) A blistering burn at the base of my thumb. By the time everyone was fed and I was packed and ready to go, I was feeling pretty fragile. A burn, surgery and saying goodbye to my Gigi; I have never been away from one of my kids on their birthday. Neither of us was handling it very well.

I was hugging Bridget while holding a frozed juice container in my hand, trying to cool the burn when the tears began. With a vengeance. I cried. Bridget cried. We clung to each other and cried our eyes out. Not my best parenting moment, but unavoidable.

I cried on the drive to Nelson just from feeling completely overwhelmed but it was good. I don't cry often and Barb loves it when I do. She firmly believes that I should do it more and she's probably right. It felt so good to just cry.

Sooo.... I arrived in Nelson and Seeso helped me set up a pot of ice water beside my bed. I slept with my hand soaking in it all night and it was much better by morning. Off to surgery at 7:00am. I was late because Karen and I started chatting and lost track of the time. (Sheesh.) I was convinced that since my surgery was so early in the morning, I would easily be able to drive home that night. HAH. Not so much. I was completely gorked from the anesthetic and had some lovely conversations on the the phone that I have absolutely no recollection of.

So now I'm home in my bed resting and recovering, letting my body heal. I have always pushed myself hard, but as I get older my body pushes back. Time to listen.

Three things before I finish this post:
1. Student nurse + Learning to start IV's = Ouch and bruising.
2. Yes, I know you are all grateful that I didn't include a photo to go along with my 'Mysterious Girlie Bits' entry.
3. Barb is going to love how much I blog while I'm incapacitated. I'm afraid that she will like it a bit too much and will go to great lengths to ensure that it happens on a regular basis. Once I'm healed and back to normal, if someone breaks into my house and breaks my kneecaps, I want everyone to know who is first on the list of suspects.

Gorked But Happy....

Yes, here it is. A blog post, finally. Now Barb can leave me alone.

It's been a bit of a whirlwind the past few months. There have been no shortage of topics for blogging, but it's been insane. No lie. Some of the upcoming posts you can look forward to in the next week are (I'm listing them so that I won't forget... and again, perhaps it will get Barb to stop nagging me):

• Mysterious Girlie Bits
• Brother Glen and my Introduction to Port
• Brother Darryl and His Support
• Mike and Sue
• Gracie and the Shuswap
• Moving. Again.
• My-Friend-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Who-Is-Abandoning-Me

I will be blogging quite a bit in the next while (the reason is related to "Mysterious Girlie Bits") so please check back and thanks for not giving up on me! My reason for being gorked is also related to "Mysterious Girlie Bits". Thank God most of my readers are women because I can guarantee that any male followers I may have had are now going to avoid this site like the plague simply to avoid having to read that particular post.

See you all soon. Seriously. (Barb, stop rolling your eyes at me. Sheesh.) Are y'all grateful to not have to look at my big, hideous sty now everytime you open this page?