My Screech

This is my Bridget.

The G. Screech. Gigi. Screechface. Dolly. Babygirl. She has many nicknames and has a dimension to her personality to match each name.

She is a delightful mix of 'tomboy' and 'girly-girl'. In the picture here, she has padded her clothing and is being a sumo wrestler. She is a tiny, wee thing, but make no mistake, this girl is formidible.

Ever since I was a teenager, I was convinced that I would have three boys. I just knew it. So when I found out that I was pregnant for the third time after having two boys, I knew for certain that the next one would be a boy too. My pregnacy with Gigi was completely different. With the boys I felt great. With Gigi I was sick and psychotic. I kid you not. Ask my sister. In spite of this, I was till convinced that I was carrying a boy child and when I finally had her and the doctor said "It's a girl!!" all I could muster was "It's a WHAT??"

I was terrified to have a daughter. Sons? They were easy. But a girl? I had no idea what to do. I was scared that I wouldn't be a good mom to a daughter..... but when they put her in my arms, I was in love. Immediately. She was pink and yummy and I adored her instantly. Bridget was such an easy baby and thank god for that. Connor (the psycho toddler) was 4 and Jack was 2 so I had my hands full already. She rarely cried and was just so content, especially when her brothers would talk to her.

There has always been a certain level of reciprocity in my relationship with Bridget. I remember when she was only 2, I was really sick and on the couch wanting to die. Connor and Jack were running around like maniacs ("I'm hungry, Mom.... Mom, I'm thirsty. Mom, can you put a movie on for me? Mom? Mom?!!!") while Bridget was pulling my blanket up to my chin and kissing me on the head. That's when I truly realized just how different having a daughter was going to be.

I love sharing the 'girly' moments with Bridget. I love braiding her hair in the morning before school. I love asking her if my outfit looks all right before I leave for work. I love talking to her about things that the boys in the house don't care about. We're like co-conspirators here on the farm. Momma and The G against the world.....

Bridget is ridiculously organized. If I can't find something, I know all I have to do is ask and she'll know where it is. She is smart and funny and kind and I love being her Mommy. When I imagine the future with G, I can picture us as women; as friends. I imagine sharing with her all of the things that I missed out on by losing my Mom so early in life.

Bridget is a Pelchat woman in the making, make no mistake. Feisty, strong, full of laughter. Her third name is Gabrielle (after Aunty Gay) and she's proving to live up to the moniker. Having Bridget was like receiving an amazing gift that I didn't even know I wanted. Lucky me.

Book Club Bitches

Holy Dinah.

A few months ago, I was asked to be part of a book club in town. I have always wanted to be in a book club so I was pretty excited about it. The club was to be a group of 12 women who love to read.... 12 of us because the number is pretty manageable and also because that way, we can each have a turn to pick one book a year for the group to read.

Sounds pretty civilized, no?

R-i-i-i-g-h-t.

The first time we met, we all brought a book or two that we were hoping to choose for our month. I brought 'Lamb' by Christopher Moore, a hilarious book that invents a new gospel in the bible. Since there is nothing about Jesus from the age of 12 - 33, Mr. Moore thought that perhaps the gap should be filled. 'Lamb' is the gospel according to Biff, Christ's childhood pal. I absolutely love this book.

I wasn't sure if 'Lamb' was the type of book that the group would be into, so I also brought along 'The Vagina Monologues'. (Book club chicks like feminist literature, right?!) I really like this book as well... I like anything in this life that can evoke emotion in me and this book made me laugh and cry (actually, believe it or not, 'Lamb' did both as well).

Soooo.... when I presented my two options, one of the girls shouted out "Jesus and Vagina's??!! You are SUCH a lapsed Catholic, Susan!!"

"Oooohhh", I thought to myself. "I'm a-gonna like this group o' gals."

Since that night, I have learned more about all 11 of these ladies and I really, really like them. There is plenty of interesting conversation, and a lot of laughter as well. (Wine too. Let's not forget the wine.) Tonight was a little less cerebral than usual, but man, did we laugh. By the end of the evening, we had plotted a road trip in D's motorhome with the theme "Book Club Bitches Gone Bad". We're not kidding.

Smart, funny women.
Yummy food.
Good reading.
Wine.

It just doesn't get much better than that.

Sick Boyo

Oy.
1:16 a.m.
I have a very sick boy on my hands tonight.

Amazing how a 15 year old young man still calls me 'Mamma' when he's unwell.
He won't be mine for much longer.... less than 3 years and he will be on his own, taking on the world. It's a privilege and an honour to be his Mamma and I delight in caring for him tonight.

And as I sit here, watching over him while I type to you, it makes me cry to think of the short amount time I have left with him. I am grateful for him, for his health, for his energy, his kind nature, his gentle spirit....but it went so fast. It's gone far too fast.

When he was just wee and I was up in the night with him when he was sick, it was just another night in a million (or what felt like it) that I would be up with him. Now, I know that time is short. This could be the last night I have this opportunity... to Mother him in this way and it hurts my heart.

I just poured a glass of water for him and rubbed his hair while he sipped it.
I told him to take his time and he said "You're such a good Mommy".
I bit my lip so that I wouldn't cry.
I said that I would sit with him for a bit longer until he fell back to sleep in case he needed anything.
He said "I really appreciate it, Ma."

I'm a lucky, lucky Mommy.
And I know it.

We be bloggin'

I have to tell you that I just love blogging.

(Ok, in my mind I'm hearing Mybarb saying "Hmmm..... you'd think you would do it more OFTEN if you like it so much. She thinks I should blog daily.) This medium of expression is so good for my soul. When I start to write, I get into a zone and there is a flow that I can't explain. It feels right. It feels like there is nothing else in the world, not a worry, not a care. Just me and the words that are pouring from my fingers, onto the keyboard and to your eyes.

I have had some wonderful feedback to this blog and I'm really grateful for it. It probably shouldn't please me so much, but it does. The most common response I hear is that my personality really comes through in my writing and that delights me. Although I'm a very outgoing person, I'm truly an introvert (being outgoing and extroverted are two very different things) and I tend to hold my cards close to my chest in that regard. Writing feels like a release for me.... anyone who knows me clearly understands that there are certain topics that are off limits for me. My Mom and the pain of watching her disease process is one of them, but on my blog, it was easy to express. It felt so good to write about her on New Year's Day. I'm not sure if I ever would have spoken those words to anyone but writing them was effortless.

I've spent the past year striving for authenticity. I've tried really hard to live true to myself, not contorting my actions and thoughts to suit people's expectations of me. It's been remarkably healing and deeply painful. There are people who are no longer a part of my life because of it, however the genie is out of the bottle and there is no going back.... thank God. (Or the Goddess, whichever rings your bell). This blog has been instrumental in that journey and I want to thank everyone who reads it.... I appreciate your interest and your encouraging words.

Enough of that. I promise the next post will be a LOT more fun and lighthearted. Did I ever tell you about the time the murderer stored dynamite in my barn?

I'm just sayin'.

Pam. Pamma. Pamalicious.

This is my Pam.

Where do I begin telling you about Pam?
I first met her at the Veterinary Clinic where she works and I liked her right away. She has an incredibly upbeat, friendly vibe and just immediately makes you smile and feel like everything is going to be ok. The first time I met her, I thought to myself "Ooooh.... I could be friends with this chick." My intuition was bang on and lucky for me, I can now call her 'friend'.

When my friend Caroline died, her hubby Didace was heartbroken but he knew that his great big heart had much more love to give. Enter Pam. It happened quickly for them and anyone who knows Didace well feels certain that Caroline had a hand in making this happen for him. Caroline and Didace's kids have welcomed Pam with open arms into their Dad's life and I have no doubt that it's because they see how happy he is with her. Didace is a complete fucking nut and Pam loves that about him. I also pay her well to stick it out. Feeding him every night was just getting too expensive.

Tonight I went over to Pam's place for a visit. I realized just what a truly amazing friend she is when I paused to think about what I was wearing.

• Pink pajama bottoms
• Blue hoody
• Orange sweater over the hoody
• Jean jacket
• Sorrel boots
• No socks
• No bra (Too much information. I know, I know)

Tell me.... how many places can you show up looking like that and feel completely comfortable and at home? Honestly! Not only that, but I arrived with a bottle of wine tucked under my arm that Pam gave me a few weeks ago. It was a special vintage with the uber-classy name "Bitch". How do you not love a girlfriend who brings you a red wine called 'Bitch'??

Once Pam and Didace started dating, she and I clicked immediately. This was very important since I knew that with Didace being a big part of my life, anyone who he chose to spend time with would be too. (As you can tell, it's all about me). It took no time at all for me to give my huge stamp of approval to this new lady in his world.

In the relatively short time that we've been friends, Pam has been someone to laugh with as well as a shoulder to lean on. She has a huge heart and is rock solid. Didace is a lucky, lucky man and he knows it.

And...... once again, I am lucky and I know it. I have the most amazing girlie friends and I'm so, so, SO happy to have Pam as part of that looney crew.